20. "I don’t know where I’m going from here, but..."

This next bit is, well, to me, anyway, really important. And so, in order to cover it properly, I first need to return (yet again, you say? or have we not even yet left the topic behind, in some sense...) to a discussion of David Robert Jones, better known to the world by his chosen "cracked actor" stage name: David Bowie. Particularly, I'd like to discuss David Bowie c. 1997, many years after he had beaten his cocaine addiction of the mid-70s, survived his self-described "Phil Collins" era (in other words, the 1980s, up until the very end of the "Glass Spider" tour, but before Tin Machine), and come full circle, smack back into the folds of the avant-garde, in 1997, two years after releasing his challenging Nine Inch Nails and Scott Walker-influenced "1. Outside" LP -- one of my favorite LPs ever made, and one I mentioned much earlier in this essay as having been influential to me in my 20s. If "Earthling" was a bit more commercial than its "difficult" art-rock predecessor "1. Outside" had been, at least Bowie was no longer embarrassingly pandering to an audience who neither knew nor cared about his '70s-era art rock experimentation anymore. He was now full of energy and passion for drum&bass/electronica and had revived, and in some cases drastically rearranged, a number of his "classic" songs for the tour, including many things he had not done in ages.*

*On another personal note, and as I had mentioned once much earlier in this essay: I saw Bowie on this tour for the first time -- in Philadelphia, PA -- so this particular tour/sound/era holds a special place in memory for me, you might say. I am one of those fans who especially appreciates Bowie's mid-90s output, though my opinion tends to be a "minority opinion," as most Bowie devotees tend either to claim allegiance to his early days of glam (i.e. Ziggy/Aladdin period c. '72/'73), his so-called "Berlin period" of the late '70s (I also consider the so-called "triptych" of '77-'79 to be amongst his best work, especially "Low"), or his pop-icon days of "Let's Dance" (my least favorite period, particularly what followed in the mid-'80s and moving all the way up until his revival with "Black Tie/White Noise" and the lesser-known "Buddha of Suburbia," both in '93).

And so, the story goes like this:

When David Bowie turned 50 on January 8, 1997, he did a live performance at the gigantic Madison Square Garden arena in New York City with his then-band, which included guitarist Reeves Gabrels, bassist Gail Ann Dorsey, Zackary Alford on drums, and Michael ("Mike") Garson on piano, the guy who played in "Ziggy's band" and also the guy who did that free jazz-style avant garde improvised piano solo for "Aladdin Sane" in the wild and zany year that I was born: 1973.

Anyway...

When he turned 50, he did this huge show, with guests. It was broadcast as a pay-per-view special live performance, and can now be viewed for free via YouTube, anytime and from anywhere you live in the world, so long as you have an internet connection and a government that doesn't block access, in not-horrible, but also non-digital, slightly blurry it-was-recorded-from-someone's-television" quality.

Why am I bringing this up now?

Well, obviously I have my reasons, right? And, no, it has nothing to do with another Bowie tribute (though, on January 8th of this year, as I had for each of the previous few years as well -- indeed, it has become a sort of tradition by now -- I released something, this time a two-track EP rather than an LP, but both tracks constitute brand new recordings. If you are curious, you can find it under my name and the title "1823," as in 1-8-23, or 01-08-2023. The EP includes this year's version of "It's No Game," which I also had done a version of last year (2022) that was quite different in terms of arrangement, vocal style, and instrumentation (it is much heavier, with drums I beat into LOGIC via a set of Midi pads; the vocals, too, are louder, and the arrangement itself is synth-based, whereas this year's version is essentially guitar-based, with ambient backing, the vocals understated). The second track is a tribute to the "1. Outside" project of 1995, as well as to its lesser-known, never officially-released predecessor, the so-called "Leon Suites," which are only available unofficially on YouTube and/or bootleg CD.*

My 2023 2-track EP "1823," which includes an Outside/Leon-inspired original track called "Minotaur," as well as this year's arrangement of "It's No Game."

*There are three improvisatory "suites" in total, running at around 70 minutes combined. These sessions were apparently the origin of what eventually became the rather more commercial "Outside" LP (though "Outside" is itself one of Bowie's least commercial official releases). I, for one, consider this to be one of Bowie's most interesting and engaging experiments, perhaps the most open and freeform of anything he ever did with an ensemble (he is joined here by members Gabrels, Garson, Kizilcay, Eno, and others), though it is certainly not "commercial" in any way. Shamefully, the record companies/shareholders/"Bowie estate" or whoever owns the rights to officially release these recordings have not yet done so, either in whole or in part (there is said to be much more material from these sessions still locked away "in the vaults," apart from the three main "Leon suites" which were leaked several years ago and remain unofficial). Even now, years after Bowie returned to his planet in the cosmos, there has been no public talk of a release for these wonderfully experimental recordings... I guess we'll just keep getting more rehashes of "best of" type collections, early demos from the late '60s, before Bowie was Bowie (there have been so many -- too many -- already, and each time another one appears I ignore it), and live recordings from this or that era for several more years to come instead. Wasted opportunity, IMO. End of rant.

Bowie's as-yet officially unreleased "Leon Suites"

So...why mention Bowie's 50th birthday live performance here? 

OK.

I am mentioning it, firstly, because this year, this past February, to be more precise (in late February, to be even more precise), I myself turned the big 5-0.

But, that's not all. Everyone turns 50 at some point, you say, so long as they don't get terminally ill or get into some sort of an accident that kills them first, right?

Yes, right. OK, I see your point. But...

But not everyone is necessarily a fan of David Bowie, firstly, and not everyone would necessarily pump out a trilogy (I say "pump out," but the series was inspired, not forced, nor rushed, though the release of the final part was a bit, as I will talk about, below) of LPs before one's 50th birthday, and...and also... And also, not everyone would bring up Bowie's 50th birthday live bash (with guests), as I just did, or make mention of it on one of the tracks on one of his three LPs released pre-50th birthday in a spoken word section (and in Japanese, no less), right? 

OK, gotta admit that I might have a point here?

And...and...

And further, well... I also had a 50th birthday "live bash" on the evening of February 26 (my birthday, by the bye, and I am mentioning the exact day here only for the second time in this essay), except that my live birthday "bash" was different from Bowie's in the following ways (and, undoubtedly, many others as well, but I don't have forever to write about it, so):

1. Bowie's bash was at MSG in NYC with thousands of ticket-buying, screaming, adoring fans / Mine was at a small curry shop that sometimes does live music in Tokyo with almost no guests and I made no profit from it, and indeed actually ended up spending my own money on food and alcohol that night, so I went home "in the red," and so, apparently, did the owner, since I couldn't pull in a crowd, and also because the few people who had said they were "definitely coming" did not definitely show up, for this or that reason, unfortunately...
2. Bowie's guests were all famous names/artists or even bands, like Lou Reed, Robert Smith of The Cure, Foo Fighters, and so on / My guests were people I knew from the local Tokyo music scene who graciously agreed to perform with me, and none were/are/is famous, though the dancer who joined us (a Butoh 舞踏 dancer, which is really cool -- in fact, I studied Butoh for just a bit in the summer of 1999 in Kyoto, but it was too punishing for my body, and so I quit) is an "old-timer" and a respected avant garde performer here in Tokyo, though to say "famous" would be pushing it, I think, perhaps... (Nonetheless, it was super-cool that he performed with me/us on this occasion)
3. Bowie played his "regular" songs, including some hits, and all of the material he did that night, presumably, was rehearsed with his band in the studio first, and everything was decided upon and organized before anyone involved with the show hit the stage / My show on this particular night was 100% improvised, not just me, but everyone's, and there was no rehearsal first and no setlist and no idea of what was going to happen beforehand...and also, I don't have any hits (or fans to buy tickets to my performances, usually, or at least usually in Tokyo, but that's another issue entirely and quite beside the point!)
4. Bowie was a rock god when he turned 50 / I am not a rock god, nor will I ever be one, but I am very proud of the work I have done, which is one reason I decided to write this essay/book/narrative/whateveritis (and with a pinch of humor, since if you can't laugh at yourself you are most definitely f***ed in life!)
5. Bowie is/was Bowie, a legend beyond compare in the realm not only of music and fashion, but he was also a keen intellect, a loving father to his son and later daughter, an art critic, a painter, etc. / I am I, an artist in his own right doing original things in my own way, not famous, not following or imitating, but definitely inspired by artists such as, and including, Bowie and Buckley and Sakamoto and (Scott) Walker and lots of others, including writers and philosophers and, well, some painters and so on, too, and I am also a professor of language and literature, bilingual in English/Japanese, a writer (if you disagree with me there, well...), and so on blahblahblah! So let's not compare anymore, and I love you, David, RIP, we miss you Spaceboy...

"Ground control to Major Tong" (sic) [as my father always says, the story being, as he always tells it, that "Space Oddity" was playing on the radio as he made his way to the hospital the day that I was born in late February of 1973...]

Back on earth again, now, let's continue with the narrative...