In the early hours of the morning I spoke with a close friend from Fukuoka via LINE 通話. It had been a while, and I had been feeling a bit lonely, or at least "alone," so it was great to receive an invitation to chat.

He said some things that made me feel that someone in the world is indeed paying attention.

One very odd (but interesting/amusing) comment made was that the right side of my face (due to the way my hair falls), he felt, represented art/expression, and the left represented the more amiable/social aspect of my personality. 

That was a rather refreshing and interesting perspective.

Another thing he said was that, for the second half of my performance at Utero last March* he stopped watching me, went into "the Zone," and that the music became just sound; it didn't belong to "me" (the performer) any longer, but was equally "his" as well.

He couldn't have said anything to make me feel more vindicated (is this the word?) or perhaps understood (no, this isn't the word either) or...well...

This is what music Is. This is why I perform live (from time to time).

Sound-->Energy

Expression. Not "ego." Individuality: yes. But this is not the same as Ego.

My final performance (for now) will be this coming Wednesday night as This Dark Shroud. This is the first time I will ever perform under this moniker outside of Fukuoka, and only the second time ever I will do it solo (the first was in 2018). 

Honestly, I am not feeling that Tokyo is the place for me to do live shows right now. Until and unless this situation/feeling changes, I will focus on writing, recording, teaching (work), and I will soon start posting chapters of my now basically finished 50,000 word "creative non-fiction" (I don't know what else to call it, genre-wise) essay "Without End or Beginning."

* This is the performance I am referencing, above.

https://youtu.be/T05a_pgREOM (Live at Utero on March 22, 2023 - Filmed by Takuya Mizukami)